On the frenzy to do the most
This week, I loved this piece by Katie Heaney in The Cut on figuring out the difference between ambition and anxiety. Heaney describes the frenetic feeling of wanting to do ALL THE THINGS — write so many stories and books and accomplish lots of things — which could be ambition, but could also be driven by anxiety, by fear of what happens if she doesn’t accomplish all the things. Heaney writes:
All I want in life is for someone to tell me when I’ve done enough. Crucially, this is not the same thing as being told what to do, which I don’t want at all. As someone who wants to write as many books and stories as possible in my time here on Earth, and as someone who is also pretty anxious — about my mortality, my work ethic, my productivity, my creative output — it can be hard for me to tell when my work is motivated by drive, or fear. Or is it both? Is there a difference between the two?
I found it very relatable, as a person who is similarly always trying to do too much! And yet, I pretty much always have the nagging feeling that I’m behind and not doing enough. Is that ambition, or is it actually my anxiety? I’ve had an article I’ve been working on here and there for a month now and still haven’t finished but really want to write, because I never seem to be able to find the time. So then I’ve been feeling terrible about being so behind on it when I am actually trying to do it on top of my actual full-time job. Heaney described in her article how she’s written four books while holding down a full time job: it’s because she gets up every day and writes 500 words, every single day, including weekends. Which is extremely impressive, and I am going to try it out, because this article somehow improbably only made me want to do more rather than less. I don’t think that was its intended effect, but oh well! Anyways, I recommend reading it, because I know a lot of ambitious women trying to do a million things will probably relate.
What I’m reading
On 9/11, luck meant everything, The Atlantic.
How I learned to (try to) stop asking female candidates about sexism, The Cut.
On Chandler Bing’s job, The Atlantic. All of the characters on Friends had cool jobs that weren’t just jobs but their passions: a chef, a professor, a fashion executive, an actor, a musician. Except for Chandler.
What college admissions officers really want, New York Times.
I was a low-income college student. Classes weren’t the hard part, New York Times.
What’s the difference between anxiety and ambition?, The Cut.
Your parents’ financial advice is (kind of) wrong, WSJ.
How I learned to stop killing houseplants, Curbed.
The new spiritual consumerism, New York Times.
PS: Sorry for sending this newsletter during Succession! Thanks for reading.
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