post-pandemic return to "normal" anxiety
let's not say yes to everything
The post-pandemic summer is here. It should be thrilling! People are making plans again. Travel, weddings, restaurants are returning. There’s lots of talk about companies wanting to get people back to the office.
I’m thrilled about most of these things. Summer’s always been my favorite season, and I’m an extrovert so I love making plans and seeing people. But underneath all the excitement I also feel a nagging little anxiety about all of the things that are coming rushing back. And I’m not alone: there have been many pieces written about people feeling anxiety and nervousness about returning to “normal.” When much of the country shut down last March, many of us wanted nothing more than back to normal as soon as possible. But now that the option we wanted for so long finally seems within reach, why are so many of us feeling nervous about it?
For many people, one of the few positives to come out of the pandemic year was the “great pause,” or the chance to slow way down from our overscheduled lives. You could cancel all plans guilt-free, like a chance to eject yourself out of schedules packed full of weddings, trips, family events, work events, conferences, bachelorette parties, drinks dates. You know how canceling plans is so satisfying? Canceling your entire calendar was even better. (Although it also came with a heaping side of existential dread.)
Now that calendars are starting to fill up again, I think it’s important that we prioritize and actively choose how we spend our time, instead of just letting everything come back as if the pandemic never happened. In the year-plus that things were shut down, people had enough time to develop entirely new routines and lifestyles. We lived life at a much slower pace. We realized what and who was most important to us — and that perhaps not everything in our pre-pandemic lives was as necessary as we thought. As Tim Kreider wrote in The Atlantic:
If the pandemic had ended, say, last June, after a couple months of lockdown, we probably would’ve returned to our lives with relief and jubilation. But after a year in isolation, I, at least, have gotten acclimated to a different existence—quieter, calmer, and almost entirely devoid of bullshit.
The past year made many of us reflect on our priorities and what was really most important to us. There were so many things from the Before Times that we’d question the value of now. Did I really need to go to those panel events? How many events did I go to just to “put in an appearance” that I wasn’t even that excited about? Did I need to say yes to everyone who asked me for a coffee/drinks date, even though I’d never see most of them again? I realized that my anxiety might stem from the fact that part of me enjoyed the slower pace and the freedom from obligations. While I did want to be able to see my friends and go to restaurants and movies again, I didn’t want to go back to the same old “normal” pace of the Before Times.
We have a finite amount of hours, and one thing the pandemic year really made me recognize is that we didn’t need to be doing so many things in the first place. Saying yes to something means saying no to something else. Every time I said yes to an event I felt obligated to go to, that was less time I had to spend with the people I cared about most.
So while I’m excited to re-enter the world, I want to re-enter it more thoughtfully. My goal is to take more control of my time, to actively think about who and what I say yes to, instead of passively letting my calendar fill up until I’m exhausted and need to hibernate in my apartment again. Is there a middle ground, where you can embrace having some parts of “normal” life back while rejecting others? I hope so.
Good things to read
The internet is flat, Galaxy Brain.
Benji is one down dog, Texas Monthly. The world needed a profile of Benji the dog (that’s Benji of Yoga with Adriene fame).
America has a drinking problem, The Atlantic.
It’s 2021. Why is ‘supermom’ still around? New York Times.
The anxiety of influencers, Harpers.
Connecting on Cameo with Aida Turturro, Vulture. The Janice Soprano interview you didn’t know you needed.
The promise and the perils of the new fertility entrepreneurs, The New Yorker.
Naomi Osaka and the power of ‘nope,’ New York Times.
“I’d always been baffled by people who wanted kids. Then my friend got pregnant,” The Lily. A sweet, funny comic.
A grown ass woman, Men Yell At Me. A terrific essay from Lyz Lenz.
Do we really want fashion to go back to “normal”? Elle. No, no we don’t.
Good things to cook
It’s time for summer recipes! Last week I made: chimichurri grilled chicken, and this all A’s spring salad with mahi mahi. I’ve also been making greek-inspired salads for lunch: chopped cherry tomatoes, persian cucumbers, chickpeas, avocado, red onion, crumbled feta, and a splash of olive oil + red wine vinegar tossed together.
A few recommendations
Things I love and want to tell everyone about.
📰 A newsletter recommendation: I love A Thing or Two, a weekly newsletter from Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur (formerly the founders of Of A Kind!). Every week they share 10 things they recommend/are obsessed with, and Erica and Claire have excellent taste so I always find several things I immediately want to read, buy, or cook.
👗 I found the perfect romper and I can’t shut up about it. It’s the Lou & Grey signature softblend drawstring romper (available in XXS-XXL, currently on sale for $30!). It is so comfortable and soft and I am going to be living in it all summer.
🧴 Since it’s summer, a periodic reminder that the best face sunscreen is Biore UV Aqua rich Watery Essence. It’s a Japanese sunscreen (their sunscreen formulations are way better than American sunscreens), it’s light and not chalky and smells pleasant, and it has SPF 50. I have no fewer than 6 tubes stashed in different places around my apartment and in multiple purses just in case.
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