Q&A: Rachel Miller on how to make your pandemic winter better

For this week’s newsletter, I interviewed Rachel Miller, deputy editor of VICE Life and the author of The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People. I’ve enjoyed reading Rachel’s work for years, and most recently she wrote a great piece on how to prepare now to make this pandemic winter more bearable. It’s a topic that’s been on my mind a lot — I’m dreading the impending months of cold weather, cooped up in our apartments and unable to see friends or do outdoor activities anymore, and many of my friends are feeling the same way too. So for this week’s newsletter, I talked to Rachel about strategies for dealing with this coming winter, and she shared tons of helpful tips and strategies for making our upcoming pandemic winter feel a little better, a little cozier, and a little happier. Enjoy!

You wrote a really great piece last month about pandemic winter dread, and how to prepare now to make your winter a little better. I loved this idea, because I had been feeling creeping anxiety about winter for weeks, and it wasn't until I read your article that I realized there were things I could actually do about it.

Where should people even start -- what can we do to make this winter more bearable, knowing all the limitations we have to deal with due to the pandemic?

I think it really depends on the person, and what your specific anxieties and pain points are. If you haven’t really committed to a good WFH setup yet, it might be time to get a lap desk or a monitor or desk lamp — whatever will make you more comfortable and help you focus.

If you know you tend to struggle mental health-wise in the winter, it might be good to work with a healthcare provider, if you have one, so you have some kind of a plan in place. If you have insurance that will cover therapy but haven’t found a therapist yet, make a point to find someone while you’re still doing kind of OK, and start building that relationship now.

If cooking helps you stay sane and you don’t want to exist on beans alone this winter, maybe you buy an extra pound of chicken or beef every week and stick it in your freezer.

I think doing anything is going to help, honestly — it gives you a sense of control and offsets feelings of helplessness. If you can’t think of anything to do, I think a really easy place to start is just asking yourself, What do I wish I had done in February 2020 that would have made those first couple of months of stay-at-home orders more bearable?

A lot of people are dreading winter because it means little to no socializing, since indoor gatherings are risky and it'll be too cold for outdoor dining or meetups in parks or backyards. What do you recommend for people who want to still have a social life during the winter?

I think, first, people should probably commit to doing outdoor masked hangouts for as long as humanly possible — so, buying good gloves, really warm socks, HotHands, long underwear, etc. if that will help; checking the weather regularly and waiting for sunny or low-wind days to meet up with people; and getting something like an outdoor heater or fire pit to help make porch or yard hangouts possible if that makes sense for your home/budget. 

Beyond that, though, I think it’s a good idea to get back in the habit of Zoom hangouts, if it’s been a while! I’ve recently been doing virtual hangouts that feel a little more novel, like watching a movie with friends or playing cards together (using an app). I’m currently planning a Black Friday Zoom shopping hang for some friends.

Giving the gathering a theme of some sort or adding an activity makes these hangouts feel more special and exciting (and different from work Zoom calls, which I think is important). Shameless plug: if you need some ideas, I put together a list back in March.

What are some of the small things you're personally doing to prepare for a winter at home, or small changes or items that have helped you?

The main thing I’m doing is focusing on making my home really cozy and also well-stocked with necessities (like the enormous jug of hand soap I bought last week). My girlfriend and I moved in together this summer, and furnishing/decorating an apartment during a pandemic is... not the easiest task! So for the past month or so, we’ve been working on choosing/ordering the remaining big pieces of furniture we need to be able to unpack the rest of our boxes and really feel settled in at our new place. We’ve also been hanging shelves and art on the walls, which makes the apartment feel so much cozier and more homey. Even just taping up some postcards or Polaroids on the wall can make a place feel better.

I bought a lap desk a month or so ago; it’s a small thing that makes it easier to have two people working from home when there’s only one desk. I bought a printer and a postal scale this summer and that’s honestly been life-changing. And I can’t overstate the power of having good lamps (and/or string lights) and lots of unscented taper candles ready to go for dark days indoors. 

A lot of people are worried about cabin fever now that many of the activities that were possible in the summer -- outdoor dining, outdoor events, hiking and biking, etc -- will be a lot more limited, and we'll be cooped up in our apartments, feeling bored with all this extra time on our hands (and you can only watch so much Netflix, at the end of the day). How do you suggest people deal with all that impending boredom?

One thing that has been helpful for my girlfriend and me is is that we aim to do one themed event/weekend at home each month. These events usually involve the procuring of small decor items, props, accessories, ingredients for new-to-us recipes, etc. To give you an example, in August, she created a whole at-home beach weekend for my birthday that involved inflatables, a bubble machine, and several outfit changes.

Most of our events are not nearly that elaborate, though; for example, this weekend we’re doing an at-home Oktoberfest and it’s going to be pretty low-key. That said, it involves enough new/special details to feel different than every other weekend we’ve spent at home in October.

One thing we’ve realized from doing a few of these is that the planning of the event is nearly as fun as the event itself. We’re choosing recipes, ordering custom T-shirts on Etsy, buying flowers, etc. It gives us something to do and something to look forward to. 

Beyond that, I think just making a list of things to do when you’re bored is a good idea — because in the moment, it can be so hard to remember all the things you wanted to read/watch/play/etc. Maybe try to add some structure to your Netflix binges; instead of jumping around from show to show, consider picking a theme for a week or weekend, or working your way through one series at a time. A few years ago, my friends Alanna and Brendan watched a ton of rom-coms over the course of a month or so, and treated it as sort of a genre study, and I love that idea. I think this kind of approach can really help offset that sluggish feeling that comes with consuming sort of mindlessly. 

I've been making a list of things I want to cook/bake/read/watch/listen to this winter with all the extra hours I'll be indoors. Do you have a similar list, like a winter happiness list? If so, what are some of the things on your list?

You know, I’m the rare person that loves winter, so I feel pretty OK about being indoors again. But let’s see… I’m getting back into working out/maintaining a regular workout routine. I think we’ll watch the new season of The Crown, and maybe re-watch all of Mad Men. I’m a big soup person, so I’m excited to make all of my faves, starting with the beef stew from Joy of Cooking this weekend. I also plan to make this ziti a couple times a month; it’s a perfect comfort food, and it always feels special. We’ll probably do some kind of fancy-ish meat and potatoes recipe for Thanksgiving, like the Joy of Cooking beef tenderloin. 

To be honest, I haven’t read many books this year because I just can’t focus for long enough. I might re-read the Winter Street novels by Elin Hildebrand in December; they are nice and familiar and go down like a cup of hot chocolate. And puzzles are one of my winter staples; I’ve been saving a bunch of my new ones for when it gets cold, and I’m looking forward to doing those. 

And finally, what's one thing that's helping you stay sane during the pandemic?

Honestly... Real Housewives!!! I’m totally new to the series; we started with Potomac (highly rec!) and now are watching New York. I like it because it satisfies the part of my brain that misses gossip and meeting a new person I hate. We watch it like we’re reading Shakespeare or something; we pause constantly to discuss what’s happening and who is right or wrong and what we’d do instead. Watching RH, I’m like, Oh, I see why people enjoy soap operas. Having a seemingly endless supply of a familiar but ever-changing story that allows you to zone out of your own bizarro reality for an hour or so every day is great. 

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What I’m reading

How America invented the white woman who just loves fall, Jezebel.

What if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life? The Atlantic.

In praise of wholesome activities, GQ.

Out of work in America, New York Times.

Why the pandemic is forcing women out of the workforce, The New Yorker.

We need blobs now more than ever, Vice. Why blobs are infiltrating home decor.

The bind of being first, Harper’s Bazaar.

The Peter Pans of the pandemic, Mel.

Shut up, I’m manifesting! Vox. An explainer on what “manifesting” is and why everyone is suddenly talking about it.

The vicious cycle of never-ending laundry, Vox. Laundry is the one household chore that’s resistant to being hacked or innovated, and it never ends.

News overload is killing us, Zora.

What I’m cooking

This week I made this extremely fall salad for lunches. I also made this sheet-pan salmon and broccoli, skillet taco cauliflower rice, buffalo chicken stuffed sweet potatoes, and roasted spiralized butternut squash noodles with a (very easy) bolognese.

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