reframing the never-ending to-do list
on unfinished tasks
Recently, I’ve been telling my husband often that adulthood feels like a never-ending to-do list. There are always dishes to be washed or unloaded, laundry to do, clothes to put away, meals to cook, counters to wipe down, bathrooms that need cleaning, boxes to break down, prescriptions to pick up, errands that need to be run. And that’s not even mentioning the endless mountain of baby-related tasks that also consume a large part of my time. And all of these chores are Sisyphean, cyclical tasks, doomed to be repeated again as soon as you’ve finished them.
I did not initially think this was remarkable or interesting enough to write about — but then I read a really beautiful essay today on this very thing in Haley Nahman’s newsletter, Maybe Baby. In probably the most interesting piece of writing I have ever read about chores, Nahman discusses Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh’s theory about washing dishes: “that you should ‘wash the dishes to wash the dishes,’ versus washing them simply to get them done.” While I’ve been despairing about my never-ending to-do list, Nahman manages to find beauty in the repetitive nature of chores:
These days I really do believe that chores give my life meaning. Not just because they present texture and struggle and a necessary counterpart to rest (all true), but because maintenance is in itself profound. Caring for ourselves, for other people, for our homes, for plants and other animals—these are the unfinishable projects of our lives. We do them over and over not to conquer them, or for personal gain, but to maintain and nourish them, with no greater expectation. Given how swayed humans are by the pursuit of growth, wealth, ownership, and power, I think this is very sweet and pure. Almost spiritual.
“At their best,” Nahman concludes, “chores remind me that life is worth living not because it grows and grows and grows in a linear way, but because it’s cyclical: always starting over, ending, and starting again.”
Good things to read
Restaurant reservation culture is out of control, Bon Appetit.
Is Gen Z killing vintage fashion? Elle.
Letters to Jeb Bush, The New Yorker.
Growing old online, Wired.
In defense of the mom group, New York Times.
The diminishing returns of calendar culture, Culture Study.
The vulnerability of John Fetterman, New York Magazine.
The original Tiger Kings, The Atlantic.
Good things to cook
Some things I’ve made lately and recommend: chicken fajita cobb salad. Thai curry meatballs (I skipped the spiralized carrots and just served it with quinoa). Roasted spaghetti squash and this homemade marinara. Fish taco bowls. These easy chicken meatballs. Sesame noodles with crispy tofu.
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